Many people are amazed we do so well with so little.
Don't get me wrong, we're not scraping by or struggling, we live on simple food and simple pleasures with a focus on our families well being. We have made decisions, set goals, and acted on them (this is the important part) to lead the relaxed lifestyle we have. So many people get stuck in their high pressure lives, running on auto pilot, working long, hard hours to support their high-tech, high interest and consumer driven lives. Living with their heads down in a social media driven, virtual word never looking up, or within, taking stock of their lives, their goals, dreams or family.
Before I had children I loved my job; creative, busy, deadline driven and at times, high pressure. For five years I happily worked hard, was payed well for my efforts and was happy for my dream of living 'The Good Life' to sit on the back burner. After the arrival of my first little bundle and having to return to work, a niggle of resentment, rebellion and frustration began to stir. I sat dutifully at my desk as a beautiful little boy said his first words, took his first steps and began to explore our world without me beside him. Many evenings were spent with him tired and hungry, his little body ready for bed, with dinner still not ready and a tired frustrated mumma doing the best she could with the few very short hours she had with him each day.
I was lucky enough to have my wonderful mother look after my first for 12 months until my second little boy arrived. She would follow the guidelines of how I wanted his routine and diet, and gave him more attention, love and comfort than any daycare could provide, but his time with me was rushed and clinical. Mornings and evenings were focused on changing in or out of PJs, getting meals ready and eaten and then putting baby in bed or depositing him at Nana's house to face another day of work. I felt stressed, detached from my little boy and tired, oh so tired.
After our second baby I enjoyed 7 months at home with both of my boys. Our days were filled with relaxed meals, midday baths after exploring in the garden, my eldest and I would play, read and a laugh in the afternoon sun while baby bear looked on or slept. When naps were fazed out during the day dinner could be ready at 4:30pm for a 5:30pm bedtime, till little bodies adjusted to longer wake times. This is the life I wanted for my boys. With 8 weeks till I was due to return to work the desire to stay at home and live our family orientated lifestyle we dreamed of was overwhelming. I had battled with post-natal depression for a little with number 2, and the stress and anxiety of returning to work made everything unbearable. It was time for action.
First I sat and calculated. No matter how I worked our income versus our Auckland rates, mortgage, insurance, petrol, power, water, phone we were short. After many calculations and tears it was decided that we could not stay in our first home, we couldn't stay on the North Shore living close to our family. It was time for a major upheaval.
We considered a few areas. Greater Auckland were homes were more affordable but Pappa Bears daily drive would increase dramatically. Hamilton and Tauranga were options too, Pappa Bear would need to find another job but it would need to be management to cover the mortgage payments on one income. High stress, deadlines, KPIs and possible late nights - good for me and the boys but terrible for Pappa Bear. Our final option, and our destination, was quiet little Te Kauwhata. Cheaper homes, large sections, good schools and large towns (with jobs) only 30 minutes away. Perfect.
Putting our house on the market was scary, especially with the uncertainty of auctions and not having a new home secure, but we grabbed the bull by the horns and did it. With the market that we were selling in we could of set our reserve high and brought big on our move. But our mentality had changed. We didn't want our life revolving around the accumulation of money. We crunched our numbers, poured hours of hard work into clearing and cleaning up, set the reserve low and realistic, just enough to pay lawyers, pay off the new paint job on the house, a moving van, commission and a deposit on our new home. It paid off - the house was sold and we were lucky enough to have a real estate agent who knew someone wanting to sell. We were able to sign papers for our Te Kauwhata home on Auckland auction day.
The next stage was Pappa Bear getting a job close to home. Now he could of aimed for management, higher income and the stress that comes with it. Not the ideal job when you've moved to have a relaxed lifestyle. So we did our numbers and worked out he needed to earn to keep us comfortable. And our calculations didn't stop there, we factored in me making and growing as much food as I could - so I could take on some of the load in supplying for our family. It didn't take him long to find a job, with the wages and hours we wanted.
Now it was time to put everything into practice. Some days I work harder than I ever did in Auckland but the results are so much more gratifying. I'm not stressing out to meet deadlines to fill someone elses pockets. Pouring my hard earned money into a huge mortgage with massive interest payments. Wasting untold money on food packed with additives, emulsifiers and preservatives that our lack of time dictated that we buy because we didn't have time to make it ourselves. My days are now filled with watching my boys play together while I knead up loaves of bread. Digging together in the garden and reaping the rewards with meals full of sweet, nutritious vegetables. My husband is home in time for dinner with our boys each night. There is time to stay in bed with cuddles when my boys are sick, time to relax and enjoy my kids just being kids. No deadlines, margins or others making big demands of my time.
I know not everyone has the means, desire or ability to do what we've done. But I believe the important thing is to make active decisions on how you lead your life. It takes practice to make decisions based on needs that don't necessarily increase or include your bank account. Your family will not remember you for making interest payments to a bank, working long hours as replaceable cog for an employer and or by adding to the profit margin of smart-phone, MP3 player and computer brands. Regularly take stock of your situation, yourself and your family, make decisions and act on them to live the best life you can.
